Breit & I having fun together

Has someone ever told you that you are her role model? Or, let me be even more specific, has some mother-of-teenage-girl-friend-of-yours told you that you are her daughter’s role model? Perhaps, you did and you are rightly cool about it. But hang on for a minute, did you even pause for a second and think about the significance of what that really meant? Young girls need role models – and what does the media give them? Heiresses, sex objects, surgery addicts and emotional wrecks. Well, I’m not one of those!

I happen to ponder seriously about this newfound role and what an honour! What a huge thing to live up to. Honestly, I was taken aback and pause-rewinded the events that could possibly lead or mislead this young girl. I couldn’t think of anything specific that may have caused my friend’s young daughter to believe I could be that role model she would like to become when ‘she grows up’. Which lead me to believe she really likeswho I am and that she accepts me for who I am…now, that’s something even more worthwhile considering.

Before I even soak my head completely with these thoughts of grandeur, I re-visited my younger days when I was in a similar frame of mind as my friend’s daughter, Samira. When I was the same age as Samira, at a tender age of thirteen, who were the people I most admired and looked up to? Hmmm, it’s harder than I thought trying to remember those days but they started coming back bit by bit. I remembered taking a liking to a senior student from the Boy Scout Regional. He delivered a wonderful speech in front of hundreds of dreamy-eyed Girl Scouts in a regional convention and boy didn’t I say to myself, “I want to be able to deliver a speech in front of a huge audience like him one day”. Of course, I read his profile over and over again and prayed to God that one day my profile will look similarly good as his, except that he’s male. Then, there was this School Supervisor for our provincial district who was a very good friend of my mother. She seemed powerful, respectable and able to make things happen. But what made her stood out was the fact that my mother and her friends often talked about her in the most positive and endearing way, in her presence or absence. What a woman, I thought! People were talking about her so often and so good that she’s a saint in my eyes. And she really gave my sister and myself quite a special attention every time she visited our local school. I’m not sure because we were her friend’s daughters but I just conveniently assumed that I was special at that time. Now, I’m not so certain. Finally, there was Leah Salonga, a pedigree of a child…perfect in every single way. She can sing like an angel, she’s pretty, she’s smart, she spoke with great eloquence, she was in every advertisement in television. I remember so vividly, all these things mattered to me so much then. Leah was my role model. I wanted to speak, sing, look, act, move, smile like her! I wanted to be her…I have to have what she have and be as admired by many. And then came the realization, I was just like any other girl growing up in the same generation. I couldn’t possibly become like her so easily…especially, we came from such different background.

But wait please, there was someone else apart from Leah. I was growing up all these years with all my good friends saying how beautiful my mother was…how great she looked like, the ways in which she made people collaborate with her, the number of good friends she had, the ease in getting herself in and out of many awkward situations, the feistiness in her when she wanted something accomplished, the ambition in her to make her daughters do well more than she could ever done for herself. Yes, that was courage and ambition and love for her children that made me looked up at my mother in a very special way. I respect, admire and adore my mother then and now. I have had this feeling that my mom has supernatural powers to make things happen and yet she does it spontaneously like a magician putting his audience under her spell. My mother is one heck of a woman! She’s sociable, charitable, religious, fun, loving, nurturing, forgiving, ambitious, strong, respectful and loves being with people always.

As a mother of a four-year old boy, I often catch myself asking, what would be my mother’s actions if she were in my shoes? Have I measured well in my mother’s standard? Would she have approved of my ways and means? To be honest, when I see photos of myself around my son, I do see my mother in me…and it’s a great feeling. The way I approach things and the way I handle myself, it is so like my mother! And it’s a great relief to feel that way.

So, did my mother know that she was my role model after all? Maybe she did, maybe she didn’t. I just looked up to her the way she has always been herself, nothing more nothing less. So, going by the same principle, I would like to continue to conduct myself the way I have always been around my friends’ daughters. If they think that I’m a role model, then let it be and it shouldn’t affect my conduct. All I need to do, is be myself and pass that on to Samira and hope one day she would realize that what she saw in me is the same thing I saw in my mother…being true to myself, respectful and enjoying life as it comes along.

To all the wonderful women in the world, my girl friends, mothers and non-moms alike, there is a nurturing dimension in us that comes naturally…and that’s just part of being a woman that comes naturally. Happy mother’s day!

Five years ago, even two years ago and probably even twelve months ago when it comes to choosing accommodation I’d go for the designer, trendy and hip kind of hotels. A few brands I’ve become fond of – W Hotels, Chedi, Anantara, Metropolitan and a place called Library in Koh Samui. I like these places a lot and don’t get me wrong, I still do. It’s just that recently I’ve discovered my taste and preference have changed so subtly I didn’t even notice how and when.

Having stayed in more grown up, polished and understated places recently, I’ve come to appreciate the finer things places like the Taj and St. Regis brands have to offer. The impeccable service in the Taj Palace and Hotel, the unbelievably plush rooms of the St. Regis and the unassuming grace of the hotel staffs of the Sukhothai. I actually can appreciate them now, surprise surprise…more than the aesthetically designed and luxurious suite I was recently in at the Metropolitan Bangkok. Never mind that it has the latest design story in the Wallpaper mag for its all-suite refurb, it didn’t count that much anymore. Is this a sign? You’ve probably experienced something similar, be it a friendliness with a type of vegetable which never was even in your diet before, an intimacy with a book which you never thought possible, a closer and deeper relationship with someone who was always there anyway (for me, it’s a greater appreciation for my mother and father).

On a more meaningful level, I am now more forgiving and calmer than I’ve ever been in my entire life. My husband and some of my closest friends used to label me the Rottweiler. It’s an appropriate name as they’ve seen me countless times jumped at the throat of every unsuspecting, lousy, miserable person in front of me. Now, I can’t really be bothered to raise my voice nor my heart rate unless it’s absolutely necessary. So, is this a sign? I believe so. It is indeed a reminder that change is always happening in our lives. As my age climbs higher, I am more open to change. I am more forgiving of others and especially myself. And to complete the sentence, when I grow up I want to be…

Me! The ‘me’ I like and accept irrevocably.

To some, they say it with gusto as when you’re playing a computer game and you’re about to hit the button that will obliterate the bad guy – goodbye amigo!

To others, they utter it with much delight as when they are about to leave behind something, some place or someone really crap – goodbye (hope not to ever see you again)!

To many, it’s an inevitable word we have to utter to someone we hold dear who has left us in this world for good – goodbye forever (rest in peace).

To some, it’s a mix of emotions unfathomable beyond meaning. Is it hurtful, relief, sadness, or just plain ambiguous? Could this pain a result of the anxiety of separation from another soul we deeply connect? That living apart is a torment? One thing is clear, when someone has touched our hearts, they would leave a mark and we are never ever the same when they are gone.

Whether you are the one saying goodbye or the recipient, we tend to brush it aside until it can’t be pushed aside any longer. It often gets lost amongst the mundane routine of our daily lives. There are things to pack, errands to sort out, occasions to celebrate, and until that day has come you’ll never believe it until it’s there. Bye is a casual word which means I’ll see you later. Goodbye has permanence and it often is. Goodbye is something I don’t know when to say and has no meaning until it’s in front of me…only then will I realize what the real meaning of that place, thing or person to me. I don’t always utter the word but when I do, it is what it is…goodbye.

At that time, it brought back memories of a similar experience when I was 15 years old. I was sent in Cebu City to attend a weeklong Science convention with other fellow student leaders around the nation. I was terrified and excited at the same time to meet like-minded students. We all stayed in a university campus with grueling schedule of group competitions, individual exercises, lectures and exhibitions. Although I ended up taking home one of the most coveted awards, I was saddened when it all ended…I wanted to take home with me the new friends I had become fond of so we can continue the fun and the things that we did so good together. But it wasn’t meant to be.

You may have felt the same in different situations – someone you have grown to love is going some far away place for a long time you may never see him/her again, a place you visited that touched your soul you never wanted to leave, a community of people you connected so deeply the thought of not being with them hurt so much. All the same, we go through them several times in our lives and they make lasting impact in ourselves – they become part of us…whether we see, touch and experience them/him/her/it ever again.

Sure, I can see why my friend labeled it garbage because it’s like eating junk food. Once you start, you cannot stop! Like a bag of potato chips or a pint of rum & raisin ice cream, I could have finished it in one seating but I had to stop occasionally to swim in Alila’s alluring infinity pool, explore the lush paddy fields in the resort’s property or join the outdoor afternoon yoga by the sculpture garden. But I digress, so back to Bella and Edward, oh how this pair made my attempt to decompress utterly impossible…they were successful in making my heart flutter, my stomach churn, blood pressure rise…I felt like a teenager all over again. Instead of relaxing I somehow felt my hormones raging. I don’t know which one I was most fascinated – Bella and Edward’s lustful passion for each other or Edward’s not-a boy-not-yet-a-man perfection. The author indeed has captured every girl/woman’s imagination…mine included. Who wouldn’t want to be in Bella’s shoes for that matter? I wouldn’t mind being called “trouble” by someone like Edward. In fact, it’s the biggest compliment ever! Sigh.

After enjoying (not enduring) Twilight for two nights, I have concluded, we definitely need to read garbage once in a while in our lives. It can jolt us to live more dangerously, passionately and spontaneously albeit in safer doses, page by page. On my third night at Alila Ubud, I couldn’t sleep as my imagination run wild…I could hear sounds of bats flying outside, the raindrops sounded angrier, the lightning more piercing and the thunder louder than the usual. I wonder, has Bella and Edward defied the forces of nature and finally made love? Oh well, I have to start digging my eyes on the 2nd book and find out.